Yes, we are Unsocialized.

Unsocialized

“How do they get socialized?” This is a question that almost every homeschooling family hears, and we hear it often. Most of us have become accustomed to politely answering it by explaining that our children have co-ops and dance classes and sports and other activities etc. I have found myself repeating this same polite answer more times than I can count over the years – until one particular day.

On this particular day, another Mom asked the inevitable question “What school do your kids go to?” I explained first that we are Independently Educated (a term that I felt at the time better described what we do) but that just evoked a baffled expression, so I smiled and said “We homeschool”. Naturally this was met by the inevitable “Oh, I see” and then I just waited…and sure enough within a minute the next question came “So how do they get socialized?” (Never mind the irony that this question came at an actual social event, which is often the case)

Now, I’ve answered this question literally hundreds of times over the years but this day was different. On this day, I had an epiphany. As I opened my mouth to begin to recite my rehearsed response about how the kids join homeschool groups and co-ops and have activities that they do in order to get socialized, I stopped. I stopped because I realized that I’m lying. That’s right; I’m totally full of it!

It occurred to me suddenly at that moment, that as Independent Educators, our children are not in-fact, ‘socialized’ whatsoever. Many adults today have been socialized and as a result many of us are walking around with social anxiety issues having had any healthy ability to interact with human beings schooled right out of us. Alas my husband and I were both thankfully among many fortunate enough to have broken free of the experience and now we’ve successfully avoided having to subject our children to this bizarre process of being socialized. And I call it a process because that is truly what it is isn’t it?

This time, the question sounded so strange to me. “How do they get socialized?” Get socialized? I considered all of the times that I’ve been asked that exact question and the words echoed in my mind. I also recalled even more bizarre wording of another popular question from those who where particularly aghast “Aren’t you afraid they will end up being unsocialized?”

Unsocialized? Well that’s a whole new term now isn’t it? It sounds like a terrible syndrome “That poor child is unsocialized” Eeek! Hmmm… the word itself got me thinking and was I ever relieved when I realized that we are indeed unsocialized!

It’s true. We are an independent education family and as such our kids do not get ‘socialized’. Oh, they meet people, they make friends, and they have a packed calendar for sure as well as unlimited time to experience their world. Sure, they have a pretty healthy social life. But what they are not is “socialized”.

So in response to the question asked on that particular day “How do they get socialized”, after a long enough pause to experience this epiphany, I responded honestly and emphatically: “they don’t!” And I felt wonderfully liberated for having admitted it!

The other Mom wasn’t amused, and appeared both exasperated and confused but decided to discontinue our conversation and politely distracted herself with her cell phone. I’m guessing she was probably texting someone about the crazy homeschooling lady she’d just met at the community pool. It didn’t matter to me, I was delightfully reveling in my new epiphany and pondering the very idea of ‘socialization’.

The word itself suddenly sounded creepy to me! I mean, yikes! What did it even mean? “Socialized”? It sounds like a procedure to be performed. Is it an injection? A pill? Is it an exercise? I felt a sudden repulsion to the very term.

Here are the definitions of the word:

- to train for a social environment; “The children must be properly socialized”

- make conform to socialist ideas and philosophies

- the adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture

- under group or government control; “socialized ownership”

adapt.. conform… assimilate… these terms made me shudder and I decided that it’s just not for me, thanks! The word itself insinuates a process of indoctrination – something that we home educators have purposely chosen to avoid. No thanks!

It appears to be a pretty common assumption that a child must be enrolled in a traditional education system in order to meet people or make a friend, or learn how to communicate with other human beings. For some reason, it’s a popular belief that this is the sole opportunity for interaction and there is nothing but a vacuum of space and time between the home and the school building.

A typical child attending the typical school spends approximately six hours per day, five days per week, thirty eight weeks per year away from their family and in an educational (and I use the term education loosely here)  institution, having information downloaded into them. While these children are busy getting socialized, there is an entire world of life continuously unfolding beyond those doors. Our world provides an unlimited potential for learning and growth and exploration as well as unlimited opportunity to meet people.

Yes folks, we are happily, uniquely and wonderfully unsocialized! And we wouldn’t want it any other way!

Laurette Lynn © Copyright 2010  All Rights Reserved

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